Do you know what it feels like to fucking hate yourself? Do you know what it feels like to fucking hate that you fucking hate yourself?
I have always cared about the opinions other people have had of me and the things I do, the decisions I make. Infact I have always cared way too much. Everyone tells you to not care what other people think of you and it never really occurred to me that I should start doing more of what I want to do without worrying about what other people might think.
Quite frankly I am tired of people telling me how I should be living MY life, everyone thinks they know what is best for me but none of these people are inside of my head. From here on forward it’s time to do more of what makes ME happy. At the end of the day, it’s my life and I have to deal with the consquences or outcomes of the decisions I make. I’m just tired of everyone buzzing in my ear with what they think is best for me.
Everyone operates differently, everyone deals with change and loss differently. A method that may have worked for you, may not work for someone else. Things that you believe, someone else might not. That does not make them wrong, and it does not make you wrong. I personally feel if everyone felt the same about every single thing, it’d be an extremely boring life. You can learn a lesson from everyone you meet. You can see things from a new perspective even if only for one second, it’s pretty amazing. You can say to yourself “Wow, I never thought of it like that before.” It’s actually incredible how much we can learn from eachother.
I open this up in hopes that I’ll have something to say. In hopes that all the jumbled thoughts in my head will come together and make sense. Make enough sense that I can write some of them down.
But they never do.